There has been a lot of excitement and a lot of new experiences and great conversations over the past two weeks. However, after having lived in this community for a month we are also beginning to feel the strains and the uncomfortable realities of the communal life-- things that we didn't dwell on at length during our college years of dreaming about radical hospitality and intentional community. Sometimes it's hard to find a quiet space or a place to be alone. But uppermost in my mind is the loss of control that we've experienced since moving here. Our community lives primarily on donated food. To demonstrate how wasteful the macrosystem of food production really is, we receive food from homeless shelters that have been given too much food to use-- and of the donated food that we receive, a lot of the fruits and vegetables go bad before we're able to use them (a lot of what we get is already expired). Being at the bottom of the food chain for the first time, we have the chance to see just how much food is continually produced only to be thrown away each day... the food chain is a lot more inefficient than we thought.
We're very blessed to have access to so much free food, but in this new situation we usually eat whatever is on hand rather than choosing what we feel like eating or what we like. A. already has more of an eat-to-live mentality than I do, but I am coming to terms with how important food is to me-- the ability to do my own grocery shopping, to choose what I eat and how to prepare it; to enjoy the food, and to eat healthily. Having my options limited and so many of my choices made for me is a source of stress. Part of the challenge set before me is to figure out what my limits are and to embrace those, but most of the challenge is to confront the deeper issues of my need for control. Having so little control over our schedule brings up the same feelings of stress.
So, community life continues-- we're learning, and we're experiencing the growing pains of adjusting to new rhythms and responsibilities. It's humbling to recognize our own flaws and limitations in the context of community, but we feel that we have been given a gift to be accepted into this family, and we look forward to the weeks ahead.